The Dying Preacher

an old preacher was dying. He sent a message for his banker and his lawyer, both church members, to come to his home. When they arrived, they were ushered up to his bedroom. As they entered the room, the preacher held out his hands and motioned for them to sit on each side of the […]

Final Eulogy

after dying in a car crash, three friends go to Heaven for orientation. They are all asked the same question: "When you are in your casket, friends and family are mourning over you, what would you like to hear them say about you?" The first guy immediately responds, "I would like to hear them say […]

The Hourglass

three weeks after Myra’s late husband’s cremation Doris went to visit her sister Myra. While they were having a cup of tea by the coal fire; Doris asked her sister, "Why do you keep on turning that hourglass?" Myra retorted, "Bill’s ashes are inside the hourglass. I keep on turning it because the lazy oaf […]

Gambling Mummy

an archaeologist was digging in the Negev Desert in Israel and came upon a casket containing a mummy. After examining it, he called the curator of a prestigious natural-history museum. "I’ve just discovered a 3,000 year-old mummy of a man who died of heart failure!" the excited scientist exclaimed. To which the curator replied, "Bring […]

Paid in Full

a old businessman was on his deathbed, and called for his friend to come to his side. "Bill," he said weakly, "I want you to promise me that when I die, you will have my remains cremated." "Yes, my friend, I will," his friend replied. "And what do you want me to do with your […]

Last Wishes

sometime after Sidney died, his widow, Rachel, was finally able to speak about what a thoughtful, considerate, and wonderful man her late husband had been. "My Sidney thought of everything", she told them. "Just before he died, he called me to his bedside. He handed me three envelopes. ‘Rachel’, he told me. ‘I have put […]

Scattered Ashes

a woman from New York was getting her affairs in order. She prepared her will and made her final arraignments. As part of these arraignments she met with her pastor to talk about what type of funeral service she wanted, etc. She told her pastor she had two final requests. First, she wanted to be […]

Do Something Nice For Dad

unable to attend the funeral after his father died, a son who lived far away called his brother and told him, "Do something nice for Dad and send me the bill." Later, he got a bill for $200.00, which he paid. The next month, he got another bill for $200.00, which he also paid, figuring […]

Mud Baths

A man goes into his doctors office for an annual physical. After a while, the doctor comes out and says, "I’m sorry Bill, but we have discovered you have a condition which only allows you another 6 weeks to live." "But Doctor," Bill replied, "I feel great! I haven’t felt better in years. This just […]

Say Something

A pastor was doing a funeral the first week of a new appointment and therefore was unable to say anything at all about the man whose body was in the casket. So he asked for those present to share. He said, "Is there anyone here how can say something good about this man?" Silence. He […]