Visit to the Doctor

A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor’s office. After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone. He said, “Your husband is suffering from a very severe stress disorder. If you don’t do the following, your husband will surely die.” “Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant at all […]

Money Talks!

During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the pastor with an unusual offer: “Look, I’ll give you $100 if you’ll change the wedding vows. When you get to the part where I’m supposed to promise to ‘love, honor and obey’ and ‘be faithful to her forever,’ I’d appreciate it if you’d just leave that out.” […]

Pretend to Be Married

A man and a woman who have never met before find themselves in the same sleeping carriage of a train. After the initial embarrassment they both go to sleep, the woman on the top bunk, the man on the lower. In the middle of the night the woman leans over, wakes the man and says, […]

Girlfriend 7.0

Dear Tech Support: Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Poker […]

No Warning

With no warning and clear out of the blue, a husband said to his wife, “Honey, I have invited a friend home for supper tonight.” His wife replied, “What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I didn’t have time to go shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don’t feel like cooking […]

Subjects for a date

A boy is about to go on his first date, and is nervous about what to talk about. He asks his father for advice. The father replies: “My son, there are three subjects that always work. These are food, family, and philosophy.” The boy picks up his date and they go to a soda fountain. […]

The way you say it

It’s not what you say, but the way you say it. On a blind date, the boy said to the girl: “Time stands still when I look into your eyes.” The girl was very flattered. What the boy had really meant was, “You have a face that would stop a clock.”

Going to the office

Hubby – You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why? Wife – When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears. Hubby – You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you? Wife – Yes, I see your picture and say […]

What a large crowd

A man was traveling down a country road when he saw a large group of people outside a house. He stopped and asked a person why the large crowd was there. A farmer replied, “Joe’s mule kicked his mother-in-law and she died.” “Well,” replied the man, “she must have had a lot of friends.” “Nope,” […]

Gift for a birthday

A fellow was very much in love with a beautiful girl. One day she told him that the next day was her birthday. He told her he would send her a bouquet of roses… one for each year of her life. That evening he called the local florist and ordered twenty-one roses with instructions that […]