A mathematician and a non-mathematician are sitting in an airport hall waiting for their flight to go. The non has terrible flight panic. “Hey, don’t worry, it’s just every 10000th flight that crashes.” “1:10000? So much? Then it surely will be mine!” “Well, there is an easy way out. Simply take the next plane. It’s […]

## The results of statistics

1. Ten percent of all car thieves are left-handed 2. All polar bears are left-handed 3. If your car is stolen, there’s a 10 percent chance it was taken by a Polar bear 1. 39 percent of unemployed men wear spectacles 2. 80 percent of employed men wear spectacles 3. Work stuffs up your eyesight […]

## Statistical one-liners

A new government 10 year survey cost $3,000,000,000 revealed that 3/4 of the people in America make up 75% of the population. According to recent surveys, 51% of the people are in the majority. Did you know that 87.166253% of all statistics claim a precision of results that is not justified by the method employed? […]

## Math is turning bad

“Psst, c’mere,” said the shifty-eyed man wearing a long black trenchcoat, as he beckoned me off the rainy street into a damp dark alley. I followed. “What are you selling?” I asked. “Geometrical algebra drugs.” “Huh!?” “Geometry drugs. Ya got your uppers, your downers, your sidewaysers, your inside-outers…” “Stop right there,” I interrupted. “I’ve never […]

## Two plus two is five

“First and above all he was a logician. At least thirty-five years of the half-century or so of his existence had been devoted exclusively to proving that two and two always equal four, except in unusual cases, where they equal three or five, as the case may be.” — Jacques Futrelle, “The Problem of Cell […]

## Story about infinity

A very large mathematical convention was held in Las Vegas. The conventioneers filled two hotels, each with an infinite number of rooms. The hotels were across the street from each other and were owned by brothers. One evening, while everyone was out at a bar-b-que, one of the hotels burned to the ground. The brothers […]

## N equals N plus one

Theorem: n=n+1 Proof: (n+1)^2 = n^2 + 2*n + 1 Bring 2n+1 to the left: (n+1)^2 – (2n+1) = n^2 Substract n(2n+1) from both sides and factoring, we have: (n+1)^2 – (n+1)(2n+1) = n^2 – n(2n+1) Adding 1/4(2n+1)^2 to both sides yields: (n+1)^2 – (n+1)(2n+1) + 1/4(2n+1)^2 = n^2 – n(2n+1) + 1/4(2n+1)^2 This may […]

## Numbers equal zero

Theorem : All numbers are equal to zero. Proof: Suppose that a=b. Then a = b a^2 = ab a^2 – b^2 = ab – b^2 (a + b)(a – b) = b(a – b) a + b = b a = 0 Furthermore if a + b = b, and a = b, then […]

## Dollars equal cents

Theorem: 1$ = 1c. Proof: And another that gives you a sense of money disappearing. 1$ = 100c = (10c)^2 = (0.1$)^2 = 0.01$ = 1c Here $ means dollars and c means cents. This one is scary in that I have seen PhD’s in math who were unable to see what was wrong with […]

## One is negative one

Theorem: 1 = -1 Proof: 1 = sqrt(1) = sqrt(-1 * -1) = sqrt(-1) * sqrt(-1) = 1^ = -1 Also one can disprove the axiom that things equal to the same thing are equal to each other. 1 = sqrt(1) -1 = sqrt(1) Therefore 1 = -1 As an alternative method for solving: Theorem: […]