Put me into a fighting mood

Patient: Doctor, what I need is something to stir me up; something to put me in a fighting mood. Did you put something like that in this prescription? Doctor: No need for that. You will find that in your bill.

I think I need a pair of glasses

Patient: Doctor, I think I need glasses. Teller: You certainly do! This is a bank.

Get me an ambulence now

A man, after being hurt, calls 911 for help. Man: Operator, operator, call me an ambulance! Operator: Okay, sir, you’re an ambulance!

You’re in great health

Doctor: You’re in good health. You’ll live to be eighty. Patient: But, doctor, I am 80 right now. Doctor: See, what did I tell you.

What is your problem?

Doctor: What seems to be the trouble? Patient: Doctor, I keep getting the feeling that nobody can hear what I say. Doctor: What seems to be the trouble?

Driving exams worry me

Liz: I get so nervous and frightened during driving tests! Doctor: Don’t worry about it. You’ll pass eventually. Liz: I’m the examiner!

I’ve got good and bad

This old man visits his doctor and after a thorough examination, the doctor tells him, “I have good news and bad news, what would you like to hear first?” Patient: Well, give me the bad news first. Doctor: You have cancer, I estimate that you have about two years left. Patient: That’s terrible! In two […]

Problems remembering

Patient: Doctor, I have a serious memory problem. I can’t remember anything! Doctor: So, since when did you have this problem? Patient: What problem? A variation Doctor: Did you take those pills I gave you to improve your memory? Patient: What pills?

My son swallowed the can opener

Mrs. Smith: Help me, doctor! My son, John, swallowed the can opener! Doctor: Don’t panic. He’ll be alright. Mrs. Smith: But how do I open the can of beans?! The toast is getting cold!

Doctor, should I file my nails?

Patient: Doctor, should I file my nails? Doctor: No! Throw them away like everybody else.