Painting shows it all

At an exhibition of military painting a visitor was admiring a picture. “What a great realist that painter is!” he exclaimed. “What painter?” “The one that painted this picture ‘Soldiers at Work’.” “Yes, hut something is wrong there. Those soldiers aren’t working at all!” “That is just the greatest stroke of realism in the picture!”

Choose a punishment

Private Loyds was brought up before the unit CO for some offence. “You can take your choice, private – one month’s restriction or twenty day’s pay,” said the officer. “All right, sir,” said the bright soldier, “I’ll take the money.”

Tribute to the Marines

A tribute to the United States Marine Corps and the reasons why they are superior to the many organizations of the world . . . * United States Marine Corps Birthday: 10 NOVEMBER 1775 * 1) Best haircut. Hands down. You can’t have a bad hair day with a high and tight. And you spend […]

Physical training job

The physical training instructor was drilling a platoon of soldiers. “I want every man to lie on his back, put his legs in the air and move them as though he were riding a bicycle,” he explained. “Now begin!” After a few minutes, one of the men stopped. “Why did you stop. Smith?” demanded the […]

Become more effective

The unit engineer had just finished a talk on introducing mechanization in fatigue details. A sergeant reported thoughtfully: “Sir, I just discovered something that does the work of fifty men.” “What is it?” the officer got interested. “Two hundred soldiers.”

Convince these students

An Army recruiter delivered a windy pep talk to encourage a group of college students to join the VOLAR. But the culminating point of his oration was greeted with cat calls, whistles and projection of rotten eggs and an assortment of no less rotten vegetables and fruits. A visitor asked a student: “Why you throw […]

Let’s see the world

Two dogfaces were digging a foxhole. “What made you join the Army?” asked one. “Well, I read one of the posters that said: Join the Army and see the world! And I been doin’ it – a shovelful at a time.”

New officer efficiency

These are actual phrases from Officer Efficiency Reports (performance appraisal for the military officers). “Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.” “Got into the gene pool while the lifeguard wasn’t watching.” “A room temperature IQ.” “Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all together.” “A gross ignoramus—144 times worse than […]

Soldiers in Heaven

Little Willie asked his mother: “Mamma, don’t soldiers ever go to heaven?” “Of course they do!” protested his mother. “What makes you ask?” “There are so many soldiers with beards but I never saw any pictures of angels with beards.” “Oh, that’s because most men who go to Heaven get there by a close shave.”

How far to the town?

A unit of soldiers was marching a long dusty march across the rolling prairie. It was a hot blistering day and the men, longing for water and rest, were impatient to reach the next town. A rancher rode past. “Say, friend”, called out one of the men, “how far is it to the next town?” […]