News headlines 04

  Man Minus Ear Waives Hearing New Vaccine May Contain Rabies Deaf College Opens Doors to Hearing Arson Suspect is Held in Massachusetts Fire Enfields Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide Air Head Fired Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge Bank Drive-in Window Blocked by Board Deer Kill 17,000 Old School Pillars are Replaced by Alumni […]

News headlines 03

Two Sisters Reunited after 18 Years in Checkout Counter Two Soviet Ships Collide, One Dies Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Time in 10 Years Never Withhold Herpes Infection from Loved One Drunken Drivers Paid $1000 in `84 Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted Miners Refuse to Work after Death If Strike […]

News headlines 05

Steals Clock, Faces Time Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge Some Pieces of Rock Hudson Sold at Auction Stolen Painting Found by Tree Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group Chef Throws His Heart into Helping Feed Needy […]

Deep Thoughts 07

Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is why several of us died of tuberculosis. If you were a poor Indian with no weapons, and a bunch of conquistadors came up to you and asked where the gold was, I don’t think it would be a good idea to say, “I […]

Deep Thoughts 16

It’s not good to let any kid near a container that has a skull and crossbones on it, because there might be a skeleton costume inside and the kid could put it on and really scare you. I can see why it would be prohibited to throw most things off the top of the Empire […]

Why ask why 05

Is it possible to be totally partial? What’s another word for thesaurus? What do you do when you see an endangered animal that eats only endangered plants? Do hungry crows have ravenous appetites? If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages? Is it true that cannibals don’t eat clowns because they taste […]

Deep Thoughts 05

Sometimes life seems like a dream, especially when I look down and see that I forgot to put on my pants. If I ever opened a trampoline store, I don’t think I’d call it Trampo-Land, because you might think it was a store for tramps, which is not the impression we are trying to convey […]

Deep Thoughts 17

Instead of having ‘answers’ on a math test, they should just call them ‘impressions’ and it you got a different ‘impression’ so what, can’t we all be brothers? Probably to a shark about the funniest thing there is is a wounded seal, trying to swim to shore, because where does he think he’s going?! Perhaps, […]

Why ask why 03

How did a fool and his money get together? Do cemetery workers prefer the graveyard shift? Why is it that when you’re driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio? How do they get a deer to cross at that yellow road sign? Why do they sterilize the needles […]

Deep Thoughts 09

You know what would make a good story? Something about a clown who makes people happy, but inside he’s real sad. Also, he has severe diarrhea. Sometimes when I feel like killing someone, I do a little trick to calm myself down. I’ll go over to the person’s house and ring the doorbell. When the […]