News headlines 05

Steals Clock, Faces Time Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge Some Pieces of Rock Hudson Sold at Auction Stolen Painting Found by Tree Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group Chef Throws His Heart into Helping Feed Needy […]

News headlines 04

  Man Minus Ear Waives Hearing New Vaccine May Contain Rabies Deaf College Opens Doors to Hearing Arson Suspect is Held in Massachusetts Fire Enfields Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide Air Head Fired Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge Bank Drive-in Window Blocked by Board Deer Kill 17,000 Old School Pillars are Replaced by Alumni […]

News headlines 03

Two Sisters Reunited after 18 Years in Checkout Counter Two Soviet Ships Collide, One Dies Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Time in 10 Years Never Withhold Herpes Infection from Loved One Drunken Drivers Paid $1000 in `84 Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted Miners Refuse to Work after Death If Strike […]

I get no respect 06

“My marriage is on the rocks again. Yeah..my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.” “My friends and I played a new version of Russian roulette. We passed around six girls and one of them had VD.” “I went to see my doctor… Doctor Vidi-boom-ba. Yeah…I told him once… Doctor…every morning when I get up […]

Deep Thoughts 13

Too bad there’s not such a thing as a golden skunk, because you’d probably be proud to be sprayed by one. To me, truth is not some vague, foggy notion. Truth is real. And, at the same time, unreal. Fiction and fact and everything in between, plus some things I can’t remember, all rolled into […]

Why ask why 01

Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime? If the 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors? If you tied buttered toast to the back of a cat and dropped it from a height, what would happen? If a […]

Deep Thoughts 14

If you’re ever stuck in some thick undergrowth, in your underwear, don’t stop and think of what other words have ‘under’ in them, because that’s probably the first sign of jungle madness. Sometimes the beauty of the world is so overwhelming, I just want to throw back my head and gargle. Just gargle and gargle, […]

Why ask why 02

Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there? Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii? Why isn’t phonetic spelled the way it sounds? Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes? Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM? You know how most […]

Deep Thoughts 15

If the Vikings were around today, they would probably be amazed at how much glow-in-the-dark stuff we have, and how we take so much of it for granted. We tend to scoff at the beliefs of the ancients. But we can’t scoff at them personally, to their faces, and this is what annoys me. I […]

Why ask why 04

Why is there an expiration date on my sour cream container? If you throw a cat out a car window does it become kitty liter? When you choke a smurf, what color does it turn? Why do they call it a TV set when you only get one? What was the best thing before sliced […]