News headlines 04

  Man Minus Ear Waives Hearing New Vaccine May Contain Rabies Deaf College Opens Doors to Hearing Arson Suspect is Held in Massachusetts Fire Enfields Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide Air Head Fired Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge Bank Drive-in Window Blocked by Board Deer Kill 17,000 Old School Pillars are Replaced by Alumni […]

News headlines 03

Two Sisters Reunited after 18 Years in Checkout Counter Two Soviet Ships Collide, One Dies Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Time in 10 Years Never Withhold Herpes Infection from Loved One Drunken Drivers Paid $1000 in `84 Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted Miners Refuse to Work after Death If Strike […]

News headlines 05

Steals Clock, Faces Time Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge Some Pieces of Rock Hudson Sold at Auction Stolen Painting Found by Tree Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group Chef Throws His Heart into Helping Feed Needy […]

I get no respect 02

“I worked in a pet store and people kept asking how big I’d get.” “I remember the time I was kidnaped and they sent back a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.” “My uncle’s dying wish was to have me sitting on his lap. He was in the […]

News headlines 01

Lansing Residents Can Drop Off Trees Farmer Bill Dies in House Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers Iraqi Head Seeks Arms Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over Survivor of Siamese Twins Joins Parents Soviet Virgin Lands Short of Goal Again Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case Prostitutes Appeal to Pope Lung Cancer in […]

Deep Thoughts 06

I hope if dogs ever take over the world, and they choose a king, I hope they don’t just go by size, because I bet there are some Chihuahuas with some good ideas. It takes a big man to cry, but it takes an even bigger man to laugh at that man. I’d rather be […]

I get no respect 03

“It’s tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips..yet she won’t drink from my glass!” “Last week my tie caught on fire. Some guy tried to put it out with an ax!” “I met the surgeon general. He offered me a cigarette!” “A travel agent offered me a 21 day special. […]

News headlines 02

Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says Eye Drops off Shelf Teacher Strikes Idle Kids British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim Shot Off Woman’s Leg Helps Nicklaus to 66 Enraged Cow Injures Farmer with Ax Reagan Wins on Budget, But More Lies Ahead Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash […]

Deep Thoughts 10

The memories of my family outings are still a source of strength to me. I remember we’d all pile into the car – I forget what kind it was – and drive and drive. I’m not sure where we’d go, but I think there were some trees there. The smell of something was strong in […]

I get no respect 04

“I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said… Are you going to hate yourself in the morning? She said.. No..I hate myself now.” “I had a girlfriend that was so fat her belly button made an echo.” “I had a girlfriend that was so fat she had her own postal […]